Breakups: Denial, Bargaining, and Other Icky Stages

(How To Get Over A Breakup)

by Mimi Tanner, Author of Hard To Get: The Timeless Art of Conquering His Heart

When a relationship doesn't go the way you want it to, the stages of accepting this terminal diagnosis can be extremely similar to the Five Stages of Grief.

As you probably know, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the world to the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

We can all recognize these patterns on many levels when going through life's devastations, big and small.

These stages ARE very real in many life situations - especially the kind that we DON'T want to happen to us.

The order is not set in stone. Not everyone finds feels denial first. Anger and Bargaining often nudge their way to the front.

And that's where we get ourselves into trouble, because we are trying to literally revive a romance that is really, really dead!

Denial is when you don't even want to believe that you can't be in touch with this person any more.

That's when you might ignore my frequent advice and contact someone who is not contacting you. OUCH.

Bargaining is when you spend your own time and mental energy trying to think of ways it can still work. The brighter you are, the harder you fall in this one...

Then when you hit Depression. That's when you're starting to feel like there is nothing you can do to change this man's mind WHATsoever, maybe because it's been a one-sided relationship all along.

Why was it one-sided? It could be because you showed your hand and overwhelmed the guy with more than he needed to handle at that point.

Before you hit the Anger stage, take heart, and most of all, take care of yourself.

After all, you owe it to yourself to be happy and to give yourself all the love and understanding that you would give to a best friend. I can't emphasize that enough!

So sit down with yourself and think about what makes YOU happy - and then go do that.

Take care of YOU when you're going through a relationship hurt, because no matter what happens in a breakup, the one relationship that never breaks up is the one you have with yourself!

Unless you are happy with yourself, there is nothing to offer someone else.

Give yourself the appreciation that HE is not giving you - because really, you can't count on the OTHER.

Some women put themselves on hold, waiting to be the person who pleases someone else. They aren't sure about their own values yet, because their whole life is about having a relationship.

That's really going about it backward. Would you want a man who thought like this - who was just a lump of clay waiting to mold himself to what you want? Or would you rather meet someone who knows what matters to him and who IS someone you admire because of what his life is all about?

The very best way you can protect yourself from these matters of the heart is to feel good about yourself and be strong inside so that are ready for what life brings you - ready, meaning, able to fact any situation with confidence and peace of mind.

Don't allow any relationship situation to make you feel intimidated.

Don't chase after men - wait for the ones who care enough to come after you. Spend the same energy that you would spend thinking about a man who's not calling you - on working on yourself. We all have plenty to do every day to live our lives and make them the best they can be.

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