by Mimi Tanner, Author of Calling Men - The Complete Guide to Calling, Emailing and Text Messaging the Men You Date
We women love to give - it is our nature to give - it is really what life is all about for a woman.
Giving is a big issue for many of us. It is often hard to find the balance
between giving freely out of the love in your heart, and giving too much.
As most women know, when you give too much (and too soon), it can backfire, even
though you mean it in the best way.
Men in particular can often be left cold by a woman who gives too much. It can be the beginning of the end of what began as a passionate and exciting new love.
Are you like that with your man - do you just LOVE to love him?
Well, millions of women can understand this feeling. But you are walking into a trap of your own making if you start giving too much before you are in a solid, committed relationship with him.
If you try to pull this off with Mr. New In Your Life, it will backfire. It's called - giving too much, too soon, to the wrong person, at the wrong time.
When a woman is in love with a man, she can feel fully "in tune" with him - and love that feeling of knowing him deeply.
For women, often 2 things are taking place which make them think that a man should respond to them the same way they feel about him:
1. The sheer power of their feelings
2. The fact that they feel they know the man so deeply
For a woman, the feelings are so very strong, and it seems certain that their guy would respond lovingly and gratefully to so much love...
But all too often, a woman has taken the relationship much farther in her mind than a man has - yet. This leads to being frustrated, hurt, and confused when a man does not respond.
Things get even more upsetting when this same man may take up with a new girlfriend or wife who appears to not care one bit about his needs. So why is he madly in love with her, after all you did, and after how well you know him - and she doesn't?
This may have happened to you - or to friends of yours.
What's wrong with this picture? Should you deny those glorious feelings of wanting to show your love, of wanting to give? No - that would be denying yourself.
The key is to know how soon and how much to give. You also need to know how to give so that men can receive your giving, instead of becoming distant when you give.
An email I received yesterday said in part:
"Dear Mimi,
"I was that woman. I tried to please my guy too fast and too soon, and I did everything under the sun for him, even lent him money to pay for bills and help him..."
--"Lacey" (not her real name)
Dear Lacey, Your giving nature can be an asset in the right situation and at the right time. But just as you already realize, trying to give so much in order to win his love just backfires.
You don't want to cause a man to see you as desperate and willing to do anything just to keep him around. Hang in there and keep reading - in time and with lessons like the one you've experienced, you'll soon have instincts which will protect your heart (and your wallet).
Men respect a woman who takes care of herself - in every way. Thanks for sharing this.
From another reader:
"Dear Mimi,
"I am one of your new readers and I do like the way you put your words. This one is me: too much giving. It's not that I do it for him to love me more or to keep him; it's always been me since I was a little girl. I love to share and give to anyone for a reason and for no reason."
--"Darla"
Dear Darla,
Thanks for that email. Giving is important to me too. We women need to take time to examine how we give, when, and how things work out for us when we give. One of the most important ways to make giving work is to choose your recipient wisely, whether we're talking about men or any other situation.
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