by Mimi Tanner, Author of Hard To Get - The Timeless Art of Conquering a Man's Heart
Should "Amelia" respond to this "closure" letter from the man who broke up with her? If so, what should she say? Here's the story:
"First and foremost, thank you for your emails I get daily. They have helped me and my close friends, as well as several of us here in the office who share your emails every day. You help us get through tough times and remind us how strong and worthy we are as women.
"I have a question I need your expertise on. You have said that we should NOT send a man a closure letter after a break-up, but what happens when the boyfriend breaks up with you and HE sends a closure letter the next day, explaining in more detail why he made the decision to end the relationship?
"My boyfriend of 3 months broke it off with me via text, then we talked on the phone, and I had closure from that (thanks to you and your past emails).
"The next day, he sends me an email about why he ended it, saying I deserve to have someone closer, etc... (we were 125 miles apart).
"We were so in love, and distance was never made an issue. We saw each other every weekend and then some. We have shared so many wonderful times together and have gone to so many places (mini-vacations). We were so into each other and we talked as if it was a "forever" relationship...
"He would text ALL the time; he would surprise me at my house and stay with me for days; I was introduced to his parents/ aunts/uncles and kids... Our kids got along soooo well, and we even went on a week-long vacation together a couple weeks ago and had a great time. The next week he ends it...
"My question is... he sent me a closure email a week ago and I have not responded. What is the best way to handle this? You always say we shouldn't send a closure letter, but what do we do when the man sends it?"
It sounds as though things were very promising for a long time. He must know that you know that the distance factor wasn't the real reason.
I'm glad you're not trying to be a detective about whatever the "real reason" is. That definitely improves your chances of getting back together with him.
Since you had a phone discussion about your breakup, I don't know why he would also send you an email. It almost sounds as though he is trying to convince himself! Maybe he is... only time will tell. You're doing a great job of keeping your cool here.
There's no harm in you waiting to respond to that email, or in letting it go without a response.
If you're in touch with him still as a friend, then you can mention that you received his email the next time you speak to him.
You certainly don't want to get into an email discussion of your relationship, because then you might end up having contact with him only by email, which would be a huge step down from your previous relationship.
If you and he are not having any contact now, and if that is what he had in mind as part of the breakup, then I think the best response to his "closure" email is either no response (because you and he already talked about it by phone), or a very short reply, letting him know that you wish him the best.
You can simply say, "Hi ----, Just want to let you know that I got your email. Thank you for all the wonderful times we shared. Great memories! I wish you all the best." Then sign your name only (not "love") and let that be it.
That's a great response to someone who broke it off with you. You keep your dignity and class, and leave that person wondering if THEY are the ones who have made a mistake.
For even more information on keeping or regaining your power, check out my program Hard To Get, and find out how to play the "game" of love!
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