by Mimi Tanner, Author of Hard To Get - The Timeless Art of Conquering a Man's Heart
It's the holidays - maybe you face that age-old dilemma: should you send a card to the man you have not been hearing from?
Dear Mimi,
I have a question. Is it ok to send an email, call, or send a card (i.e. Christmas) to a man who has been ignoring you or who promises to call back but never returns the call?
Would it be wise to just move on and let him call or email next and just move on? I would like to maintain a friendship with this man, but I seem to be the only one making calls or sending emails.
....Looking for men's dating advice? Flirting Tips for Unfunny Guys - flirting advice for men!
When I back off and then call or email after a while, he is quite kind but says, "I thought I was no longer important in your life as I have not heard from you." Then he does not reply. Any suggestions...
Thank you. "C."
Hi, C., good question! And this man is REALLY doing a number on you with this excuse! So he is the one not returning your calls, but then when you leave him alone, he tells you that he thought he was "no longer important in your life"??
Wow, he's good! He may in the Master Manipulator Hall of Fame. He wants to make it sound like it's all YOUR doing. What a way to make you question yourself and feel guilty for not getting in touch with him - even though you DID that and got no response from him.
This is the same situation as what to do about birthdays. We women often are very sentimental about birthdays - and many men are too - so even when a man is ignoring us, we start to think that maybe the holidays or his birthday should be an exception, and we should send him a card....
- because if we don't, he might think we're mad at him
- because if we don't, he might be hurt and think we don't care
- because maybe he doesn't have many people in his life and we don't want him to get zero well-wishes on this important day
(The latter sounds like we're trying to rescue a man or solve his problems FOR him - NOT good! We're not his nurse and not his Fairy Godmother, either! Nor would he feel very romantic about us if we WERE.)
Here's an important twist. In this case, if a man thinks you're mad at him, then amazingly enough, you have struck paydirt and are on the right track - for many reasons. One of which is that he's thinking about you!
If a man says, "Are you mad?" or the ever popular "I thought you were mad at me," then respond with, "Why would you think I was mad?" You can let him know with only your sweet smile that not only are you NOT walking around fuming at him, you're a happy person with "good will toward men." It takes a lot to get you "mad" - or if it doesn't, you don't have to broadcast that fact to him! :)
So please resist the urge to send a card to a man who is not keeping in touch with you! I hope to share more on this with you soon, because I know how hard it can be NOT to send those birthday and holiday cards to the man who is on your mind. Life is short. If he's not around, then the sooner you move on, the better for you.
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Make Him Think Twice About Dumping You